How to Write a Formal Email (in 6 easy steps)

Have you ever struggled with writing a formal email?  Maybe you have to send your teacher a note explaining why you left a school project in the dumpster.   Maybe you went on a college interview and now you have to write that weird followup to remind the person that you still exist, and that they should admit your dumb ass so your mom can stop yelling at you.  Maybe you have to reach out to a potential employer, begging for money.

No you shouldn’t snapchat them, snapchat is for kids.  You can’t send them a tweet – they’d never see it.  And unless your boss is a certified THOT, an instagram DM just won’t due.

This one is another of the “funny” videos that actually sprung from a real need of mine.  When I was researching this topic, the top article claimed it was easy – all it took was 9 steps… but I think we can do it in 6. Here’s my breakdown

Step 1. Use your official email address, not a screenname or username. Make sure the email address you’re using is professional and appropriate like [email protected] As long as it’s not HOTMAIL!

Step 2: Keep the subject line short and accurate.

Yo Bro – Its my Employment Applicashe

Step 3: Write a proper salutation,

Salutation is Latin for what up.  Here’s a good example:

Hi There,

Got any updog?

If you think it would be helpful, don’t be afraid to re-introduce yourself, for example:

Remember me? I’m the white guy

If you’re following up with someone you’ve met, it’s often helpful to remind the person where you where and what you talked about

We met at the strip club, where we discussed becoming strippers

Step 4: Keep your message short, and to the point.

Avoid repeating, contradicting, or repeating yourself

For the most part, follow the Mini Skirt Rule – should be long enough to cover what needs to be covered, and short enough to be interesting. But most importantly, it has cover your balls

I’d like to apply for the position of CEO.  Let me know whose Dick i should to Suck.  Attached is my resume

Step 5: Sign off appropriately, make sure to include your full name.

Sincerely,

Max NoSleeves

Holder of the UpDog

Step 6: Proofread the email before sending.

And you’re done! Make sure to wait a few days before following up. Don’t call the dude right after asking if he saw that email you just sent – he’s a potential employer, not an ex-girlfriend. 

One final note: make sure to attach your actual resume… not just a picture of your dick.

… unless that is your resume.

 

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